Stephanie Burgis - Magical Books for Ages Ten to Fifteen

The Scary Stuff

April 26, 2010, 2.09 pm

Here's the weird truth about fulfilling my dream for the past 25 years and selling my first books - oh, and finishing the trilogy, too, and being about to see the first book come out in bookstores where I live. (97 more days till the UK pub date, according to my daily Waterstones.com update!)

Last week I went into my local Waterstones (and no, I haven't yet gotten up the courage to introduce myself to the manager as a local author) and looked at the space on the shelf where my book will be. It's a good space. It'll be eye-catching. It's what I always dreamed of.

I felt sick to my stomach with panic.

I finished the first draft of Kat3 in early February. I planned to start revising it in March. I didn't, because sitting down to revise it made it feel much, much too real that I was turning in the final book in my trilogy.

I started writing another book, my dragon novel, which made me laugh and feel giddy with happiness every time I thought about it. I wrote the first 11,000 words. Then someone asked me a fair, well-meaning question about whether one particular aspect of the novel was going to be commercially sensible at this point in my career...

...and I stopped. I haven't written a word of it for about a month now. Because right now, as I wait for my first book to come out, to find out whether anyone will buy it, whether anyone will love it the way I love it, whether my publishers will be thrilled or horrified to have paid me for it?

I am TERRIFIED about the concept of what is commercial and what isn't. And every time over the past month that I even thought about going back to the dragon novel, which had been making me so happy before, all I could feel was sick panic about my career as an author...which is distinctly different from my work as a writer.

I feel weird and insecure about posting this entry, because I feel like I should be staying positive and upbeat on my blog, as a general rule. But I read a wonderful entry a few days ago by one of my favorite authors in the world, talking about her own insecurity issues, and it made me feel like a ray of light was shining down into the dark, panicky corners of my own brain...so I decided I should go ahead and post about the scary stuff, too.

I just got my first two crits for Kat3, and they were both incredibly useful AND incredibly positive and enthusiastic, which was a huge relief. Patrick's reading it for critique right now. As soon as his crit is ready, I'm going to sit down and force myself to dive into the revision, even though that means admitting that yes, for better AND worse, I really am almost finished with this series I have loved so much.

In the meantime, my goal this week is to brainstorm and make a collage for my dragon novel, diving back into everything I loved about it and focusing on those aspects and those alone to figure out how I can have the most fun possible with this novel. After it's finished, I can let myself (or better yet my agent! hi, Barry! :) ) worry about whether it's commercial or not. Right now, that kind of speculation is the kiss of death for my creativity, and I can't let it take charge.

Whew.

Hitting the "post" button now, before I can give in to insecurity one more time and press "delete".

What are your goals this week? Or: what are you scared about?

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Happy Saturday

March 20, 2010, 11.25 pm

WHEW. We've been approved for the new house! There are still lots of reasons to cross our fingers (for instance, we hope to be able to move in April 1st but have been told that the house might not be ready yet on that date - and our current tenancy expires March 27th!), but right now I'm just massively relieved to have that next stage figured out. And if we end up having to put all our stuff into storage and go hang out in a holiday cottage somewhere in the Welsh mountains for a week or two...well, darn, is all I can say. ;p

(I really, really like the Welsh mountains. Have I mentioned that before?)

This morning we went out to the local market, where we followed our recent Saturday tradition of buying fabulous curries and baghlava from the Persian food stall. The nice thing about being regular customers is that my "small" tray of delicious, fresh-made baghlava gets stacked higher and higher every time! (I have become a VERY loyal customer because of developments like this.) I also found out that today is Iranian New Year. So: happy New Year! :)

The CFS is doing a lot better. I feel a little nervous writing this publicly - I don't want to jinx myself! But I've been holding off on saying this for a few days now, and I'm starting to feel confident again. I really am feeling much better. WHEW.

And best of all, I wrote 1530 words today and finished Chapter Three of the dragon novel. Yay! I am having so much fun with this book. My neurotic back-brain - the same part that made me give up Kat1 for a year because it convinced me I could never, ever pull it off - keeps trying to waylay me with regular panics about my competence as a writer (this one is too hard for you! you'll never pull it off!), the idea's inherent marketability (it will never, ever sell, and people will sneer at you for even imagining it could!), etc., etc., ad nauseum...but what keeps me going through all the assorted panics is just how much fun this book really is to write (combined with fabulous cheering-on from Patrick and my beta-readers, Tiffany and Jenn).

Today I managed to make Patrick laugh out loud when I read the chapter to him. Score!!!

So it's been a happy Saturday. :) How about you guys? How is your weekend going?

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I R Serious Writer (TM), and a gruesome TV side-effect

March 7, 2010, 4.47 pm

OK, there are some days, ever since I signed my first book contracts, when I can actually pretend to myself that I am a Serious Professional Writer...and then there are days when I just can't.

Here is the most recent evidence, from my Friday night of prewriting play for the Austen-y dragon novel:

Erm, yes. Well. Um... ;)

Of course, as hopelessly silly as it is, playing with the novel also really, truly works. The more playful I am, the more productive I am and the easier the novel flows. My evening of pre-writing play resulted in me finishing Chapter One today and feeling total happiness about it...

...but, well. It's not exactly the kind of thing that looks like an impressive, grown-up job, does it? Oops.

In other breaking news, dark chocolate also helps writing, in a pinch. And vegan hazelnut brownies are full of super-delicious WRITING MAGIC.

Also, I may have been watching just a few too many episodes of "Castle" lately. I keep finding myself imagining all my surroundings, wherever I am, as the setting for one of the gruesome victim-discovery scenes that open every "Castle" episode.

Eep.

Then, of course, I need more chocolate...

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Inspiration and dragons

March 3, 2010, 11.25 pm

So, life goes on, and now that I've finished Kat3 and I've signed the contracts for the UK sale...well, it's time to start writing the next novel.

Actually, I'd been planning to take off some time between novels, because there's a lot more research I have to do before I can get started on the 30s screwball comedy I've been planning. I figured I'd just play around with short stories for a month or two...but then I realized that I honestly just can't cope with the angst of waiting for my first book to come out unless I'm involved and obsessed with a brand-new book.

But which book? It's really scary to start a new, unrelated book after working on one trilogy for the last four years - especially while I'm waiting to find out how that trilogy will actually do in the marketplace. I've spent the last few weeks feeling really unmoored, and every time I started trying to have fun with novel-planning, I ended up feeling panicky and scattered - the least creative mood possible.

What finally did the trick for me, no matter how weird this may sound, was a computer desktop wallpaper that I found in Smashing Magazine's March collection. I saw this wallpaper - a girl walking down a road into adventure - and something clicked inside me: Yes.

Symbolically, it works on such a great level for me, because that girl is exactly who I'm writing for - the twelve-year-old girl I used to be. And that's who and what I need to focus on right now.

I downloaded the wallpaper onto my computer. I spent some time just looking at it and letting myself daydream. Things began to click into place in my subconscious.

And then yesterday, I sat down and wrote the first 1000 words of...

...a very Jane Austen-y YA dragon book! It's silly and romantic and just for fun, and I am having such a good time with it. This is the one that has been bubbling in my subconscious for a while now, in one form or another. For a long time I thought it was a no-go because all I had originally was the concept without the characters - but then yesterday while settling MrD into a nap, the characters slid into place, my whole body started tingling with excitement...and voila! I was scribbling madly about ten minutes later.

I'm over halfway through the first chapter now, and that girl is on my desktop, reminding me every step of the way why I'm writing and who I'm writing this book for.

What about you guys? What works to inspire you when you're feeling scattered or stressed?

___

PS: I am still researching the 30s screwball comedy while writing this, so please do keep on keeping me in mind if you run across any fun 30s novels in the meantime...

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