Blog Entry: UK Mother's Day and parenting surprises
Happy British Mother's Day! As a dual citizen, I just looove the fact that UK Mother's Day and US Mother's Day are on different days. As I am BOTH a British and an American mother...well, poor MrD, is all I can say. ;) Luckily for him, at least I only expect a present on one of those days, because I'm not completely unreasonable...but both days are great excuses for celebratory meals out or vegan brownies!
Right now I'm listening to this year's Mother's Day gift, which is Pink Martini's newest CD, "Splendor in the Grass". It's wonderful - Pink Martini is probably my favorite band at the moment, and this is by far my favorite of their CDs so far. And two bouquets of beautiful tulips are sitting on the table, picked out jointly by Patrick and MrD.
It's funny what a transformation it really is to become a parent. I always wanted kids - I grew up with younger brothers, one of them 10 years younger than me, as well as a pair of much younger cousins, so I did a lot of babysitting both within the family and around my neighborhood as a teenager. Then, when I went to college at 17, I was horrified to find myself feeling baby-hungry. Eek!
Believe me, I did NOT want to have a child at age 17...but I was so used to having cuddly small people around that it was a genuine emotional shock not to have that kind of affection and fun at closehand. So in a way, I guess it's almost surprising that I ended up waiting so long to have a baby - I was 31 when MrD was born.
But my expectations of parenthood, by the time I was 31, were pretty clear. I had friends who were stay-at-home moms (SAHMs, according to online mom-jargon) and friends who voluntarily went back to full-time work as soon as possible. Both sets loved their kids equally, but I identified with the second set SO much more. I had worked at a very good daycare in my hometown for several months before I moved to England, so I felt quite positive about the daycare option, and I had a hard time understanding why so many moms resisted it.
When I looked at my SAHM friends, I couldn't imagine how - or why! - they did it. Their kids were sweet, but still...I was certain that when I had my own children, I would want to have lots and lots of childcare set up by the time they were six months old. I would certainly keep work as my top interest, because that was just who I was, and that was never going to change.
Well. Hahahahahahaha. Yes. Funny how wrong we can be about ourselves, huh? Or maybe that's just me.
Of course I'm still a writer. Of course I'm still passionate about my writing, I still try for 500-1000 words of fiction every day (thank goodness for toddler naps!), and I meet all of my publishing deadlines.
But. I have SO become one of those moms who used to baffle me. Because of the CFS, I physically cannot be a full SAHM - Patrick's doing at least half the parenting now, supplemented by a childminder two mornings a week - but that is, shockingly to my old self, the only reason why I'm not doing it. (And I'm definitely not saying that anyone else should - just that I've been shocked to find out that that's what I would personally prefer, despite having always expected the opposite.) The joy that MrD has brought to my life is just astonishing. It has certainly astonished me. It turns out that, despite all my expectations, becoming a mom actually did transform who I am and what I care about most in the world.
I would never deny the stress and exhaustion that come with motherhood. I haven't had 4 solid hours of sleep in nearly 15 months, so I am constantly exhausted. There are plenty of days when I get frustrated or cranky. Being a mom, no matter what your parenting style, is an incredibly hard, demanding job, and I would never, ever recommend that anyone do it unless they really, really wanted to.
But it also turns out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. And that has been such a wonderful surprise.
So happy Mother's Day, British moms! And I hope everyone else is having a really good Pi Day. :)