Blog Entry: Voting against perfectionism
Whew. With nine days to go until A Most Improper Magick releases in the UK*, I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a whirl of to-do lists, all of them AMIM-related...but the single most important thing that's happened for me this week is that - incredibly - I actually hit THE END on my rewrite of Kat3! I still haven't sent it to my editor because I need to do a very quick last read-through for historical fact-checking and to make sure I haven't introduced any inconsistencies...but this still feels absolutely huge to me.
Ever since MrD was born, I've had to realize over and over again that my understanding of how fast I can write is no longer completely accurate. More than that - I just can't control my own schedule the way I used to. I started this revision on May 1st and planned to turn in the finished draft on June 1st - but it turned out that I just couldn't revise fast enough. Then I planned to turn it in by July 1st, and I really think that could have happened - but MrD's childminder unexpectedly went on maternity leave a month and a half early, and we lost almost all our childcare for about a month. Oops. There went all the time I'd planned to use on finishing the rewrite.
Add in viruses sweeping the family and all the other complications of having a little kid and having CFS...and, yeah. The feeling of relief that swept through me when I typed THE END was one of the sweetest feelings I've known for quite a while.
Thank goodness my editor is really, really generous and tolerant! The only pressure on me has been self-inflicted - she just told me to take the time I needed and not to freak out about it. After all, it won't be published for another 3 years - who cares if I'm a month or two later than planned? But for a perfectionist like me - the girl who HAD to get all A's in school or else (or else what? I don't even know anymore)...well, forgiving myself for missing a deadline is an almost impossible goal.
But I am learning - slowly and painfully - to be a little kinder to myself about my new, slower, post-baby pace. Sometimes I see childless authors producing multiple books a year, and I feel a twinge - that's what I should be doing! But then I look at MrD, and I think about all the joy he gives me, and the joy we give each other by spending so much time together right now while he's so small. That would be worthwhile no matter what. And when I look back later in life, I can't imagine myself thinking I should have spent less time with my son so that I could write faster!
So today I'm consciously working to celebrate my achievement without all the internal qualifications that want to pop up and take over. (Like: Yeah, but you'll still turn it in almost 2 months late! Loser!) Today, I'm not going to let that nasty internal perfectionist be the one who wins.
Yesterday I printed out the Kat3 manuscript for my final read-through. Tonight, some very much loved family members are coming into town, and I'm going to enjoy my time with them this weekend without freaking out about what other "productive" things I could be doing. Monday, I'll sit down with my manuscript and read it through. By Friday, it will finally be on my editor's desk. And right now, I'm just going to be happy about that.
What about you guys? What small or large achievements are you celebrating right now?
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*It's become a little complicated to talk about my book now that it has two different titles! My solution for now is to refer to it as A Most Improper Magick when I'm talking about the UK edition, and to switch to Kat, Incorrigible when I'm talking about the US edition...but you may see me wavering awkwardly between the two from time to time in the next several months!